Posted by: sean | July 4, 2009

Bolton in Beirut

michael_bolton1Somehow, everyone and his brother knows that Paris Hilton is in Beirut tonight, but I don’t really find that to be too exciting, since it’s hard to walk down the street without running into one form or another of the Lebanese variants on the Paris Hilton theme. I believe in a couple of weeks, there will be a “Fuck me, I’m famous” event (concert?) in Biel, which isn’t really related to her but which reminds me of her, in any case.

But back to the main news. No, dear readers, the big news is not about the slutty hotel heiress, it’s that Bolton is in town. Not sourpuss and former ambassador to the UN John Bolton. No, I’m talking about the early nineties easy listening king of cheese, Michael Bolton.

Apparently, Bolton’s playing a concert tomorrow night downtown, for which the tickets start at $50 a pop. I like to think that somewhere downtown tomorrow night, there will be a Hezbollah cadre swaying back and forth as he mouths the words to Bolton’s rendition of “When a man loves a woman” and a tear slowly swells in the corner of his eye.

All of this pop Americana reminds me that it’s the 4th of July today, and I think I’d like to go out for some greasy American food at some place like TGI Friday’s or even the Hard Rock Cafe, although that last one might have to be disqualified, since I have it good authority that the Beirut branch is owned by one of the Bin Ladens.

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